4 Questions for Returning to You

Knowing you is the only place to start for everything you want to do, to be, or to have in your life. Where else would you begin?

If you’ve survived painful losses, disappointments, or betrayal you may feel like you don’t know who you are, or that you never really did. Or, you clearly remember a time in the past when you felt confident and sure of yourself, but now you’re riddled with self-doubt and feel like you’ve lost yourself.

If you feel out of touch with you, or like you’re not living your authentic life, you’re not alone.

Women are bombarded every day with images, messages, and even people we love who tell us how we should look, what we should wear, what we should think, how we should (or shouldn’t) speak, and how to behave.

We try to live up to other people’s expectations of us and make everyone happy. The problem is, it doesn’t work — and it’s exhausting.

We’ve been trained for so long to practice so many forms of people-pleasing that we simply don’t know the quickest route to our own authentic happiness. And that is discovering who we are, separate from every expectation from the outer world — even from those who are most dear to us.

Without knowing you – inside and out – you won’t know what you need or want, and you won’t be able to give yourself what you desire.

And when you don’t know what you need or want, you won’t be able to tell those who love you how they can give to you, so that you can receive.

Discovering you starts with coming back to your instinctive self — knowing what you feel, what you think, what pleases your senses, and what you desire. Knowing you is the foundation for everything. Yes, everything!

The good news is that no matter how lost or out of touch with yourself you feel, at any given moment you can re-discover exactly who you are. It’s easier than you may think.

There are four simple questions you can ask yourself right now to discover who you are in this moment. They are the most important questions you will ever ask yourself.

Take a moment right now to answer these questions. As you read them, notice the very first awareness or thought that comes to your mind, and go with it. That is your truth in this moment.

Question #1

What am I experiencing right now with my five senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, or touching? Close your eyes if it helps you tune in to you.

Question #2

What am I feeling — what are my emotions in this moment? The eight basic emotions are love, joy, pain, guilt, shame, fear, anger, and passion. Remember, there are no bad or wrong emotions. What you are feeling right now is perfect, and true for you.

Question #3

What thoughts am I thinking right now? Just like emotions, there are no bad or wrong thoughts (although there are better-feeling and worse-feeling thoughts). Your thoughts have a right to life, even thoughts you believe you should not have. Your thoughts give you valuable clues about you, and provide direction for what may need to happen next.

Question #4

As I observe my body right now, what is the position of my body, or what am I doing? This question helps you tune in to your reality in the moment, and may bring your awareness to something about your present experience that may not have been available to you before.

I’d love to hear what you discovered about you in the comments section below!

If this practice speaks to you, download the free 4 Questions for Knowing You fillable workbook here to get the 4 questions, plus five bonus questions to take your exploration even deeper.

© Victoria Priya, LCSW [formerly Vicki Tidwell Palmer] (2021)

Radiant Threefold Path articles are protected by U.S. copyright laws, and may not be reproduced, distributed, or re-published without written permission of the author.


I want to support you to Return to the authentic truth of who you are, Reclaim what is yours, and Receive everything that is meant for you. So that you can Regenerate your life, your relationships, community, and the world.

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