#10: Step 4: See Where You Have Power Before You Take Action

As you’re working through the 6-step boundaries clarifier process to achieve the outcome you identified in step 1, you must know where your power lies—and that’s exactly what I’ll guide you through in today’s episode.

There are four main options for where your power lies in in any situation. Ultimately, there’s very little that’s fully within your circle of control, and misunderstanding this can lead you to try to have power in situations where you don’t have power (like other people), resulting in unnecessary conflict and tension. It’s possible that you may identify more than one of the four possible options to get the outcome you’re seeking. In this episode, I guide you to figure out which one is the best for you and your situation.

Keep in mind as you work through this step and choose the option that best fits your situation, you should ultimately feel a sense of confidence, empowerment, freedom, or relief. In other words, don’t choose an option around where your power lies that leaves you feeling bitter, resentful, or like a victim!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #10:

  • What’s in your circle of control includes how you manage your health, what you eat, how much sleep and exercise you get, how you care for your possessions, how much time you spend with people or alone, how much money you spend, and how you parent your children.
  • If you overestimate your circle of control, you might tell another adult what to do, or announce to someone that they’re going to do something because “that’s my boundary.” If you underestimate what you have power over, you might not set a boundary that you have the power to create. Both of these misunderstandings of your circle of control can hinder your boundary work.
  • There are four options in step 4. Your job in this step is to choose the option that has the highest likelihood of achieving the outcome that you identified in step 3. Here are the four options:
    • You have the power to create the outcome you want.
    • You need help to create an outcome.
    • You need to make a request.
    • You are powerless in the situation.

Highlights from Episode #10:

  • Victoria welcomes listeners to the fourth episode in a six-part series about the 6-Step Boundaries Clarifier process. [00:31]
  • We hear a recap and review of the first three steps of the process. [02:01]
  • Understanding where you have power is crucial to the success of your boundary work. [07:05]
  • Victoria talks about the problems that come with not understanding the limits of your power and what you have control over. [09:37]
  • We learn what happens when you don’t see where you have power. [12:36]
  • There are four options in this step. Victoria explains what they are and gives examples. [14:33]
  • What if more than one of the four options might work for you? [18:46]
  • Victoria returns to the case study of Uncle Joe, which she has been using to illustrate how the 6-step boundaries clarifier process works. [20:01]
  • We hear about powerlessness, the last of the four options in this step. [25:41]
  • Victoria gives several pro tips for working through this step. [27:45]
  • Today we heard about figuring out where you have power in the situation. Victoria briefly mentions what she’ll cover next week, and invites listeners to subscribe to avoid missing an episode. [32:45]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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