#14: Sexual Boundaries: Yes, No, and Everything in Between

Of the four primary boundaries, the sexual boundary is the most controversial and the one that people have the most opinions about. In today’s episode, I want to simplify this messy, complicated topic so you can more easily implement your own healthy sexual boundaries. 

Sexual boundaries are non-negotiable. No one gets to decide whether or how they touch you sexually without your permission—and you get to decide what you consider sexual. It’s up to you to decide which of your body parts you consider to be sexual, for example, and what you define as sexual activities. Your sexual boundaries are absolutely influenced by your value system, but ultimately you get to make your own decisions.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #14:

  • Your sexual boundaries are related to your physical body as you engage in sexual activity (with yourself or with another person), the specific parts of your body that you consider to be sexual, and activities with another person that you define as sexual.
  • When sexual boundaries are operating well, you decide with whom, how, when, and where you’re sexual. You don’t touch another person sexually without their permission. You have the ability and freedom to refrain from or engage in sexual activity with another person.
  • Receiving a “no” can be painful, but it’s never personal. Another person’s “no” is always about them, never about the person receiving that “no.”

Highlights from Episode #14:

  • Victoria welcomes listeners to this episode, the second in a series about the four primary boundaries, and recaps points from last week that are relevant to all boundaries. [00:31]
  • We hear some definitions of sexual boundaries. [05:28]
  • What do functional sexual boundaries look like? [07:40]
  • Victoria explains why sexual boundaries are so controversial and difficult to talk about. [09:40]
  • We learn about the value of getting clear about your value system when it comes to sexual behavior. [14:36]
  • Victoria talks about protecting others with your sexual boundaries, and accepting another person’s “no.” [16:27]
  • Honoring someone else’s boundary creates freedom and spaciousness. [20:23]
  • Victoria talks about what broken sexual boundaries look like, starting with demanding sex. [23:43]
  • Ignoring another person’s “no” is another boundary violation, as is engaging in inappropriate sexual conversation. [25:42]
  • Exposing another person to unwanted sexual experiences is another violation, as is touching another person without their permission. [28:33]
  • Victoria reiterates that your sexual decisions and preferences are your right. She then discusses another boundary violation: talking about another person’s body. [31:30]
  • Refusing to give somebody privacy is another boundary violation. [34:02]
  • Victoria talks about claiming a right to another person’s body. [35:28]
  • Victoria wraps up the episode with a sneak peek of a coming conversation with a colleague about sexual boundaries. She invites listeners to learn more about the sexual boundary in her new book Personal Boundaries for Dummies, and to subscribe to the show. [38:52]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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