#15: Speaking Boundaries: Knowing How to Be Heard

The concept of speaking boundaries may sound strange at first, but by the end of this episode, you’ll understand how a healthy speaking or talking boundary protects both you and those around you. 

When your speaking boundary isn’t working well, you can come across as rude, dismissive, critical, or even contemptuous. On the other hand, a healthy speaking boundary means you speak in a way that makes your words easier to receive and easier to hear, because you’re clear, coherent, and respectful. Your speaking boundaries help you avoid saying things you’ll regret or feel guilty about, reduce the number of situations where you need to apologize, and make it easier for others to listen to you and truly hear what you’re saying.

Tune in to learn all about the speaking boundary, including why it’s so important. I’ll also give you four tools that you can use to start working on this boundary today, allowing you to improve your relationships and communicate even more effectively.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #15:

  • Speaking boundaries are the essential filter between what you’re thinking and what you say. A highly functioning speaking boundary means that you use your filter to speak respectfully and relationally.
  • When your speaking boundaries are functioning well, you share your thoughts, perceptions, opinions, and emotions with other people in a clear, respectful way.
  • Some powerful tools include getting clear about the facts, using “I” statements in a respectful way, being honest with yourself about the other person’s capacity to really hear you, and leading with agreement.

Highlights from Episode #15:

  • Welcome to this episode, which is all about the speaking boundary. Victoria reminds listeners that the four primary boundaries apply both to yourself and others. [00:31]
  • Victoria defines speaking boundaries and talks about some of the benefits of having a proficient speaking boundary. [02:21]
  • Your speaking boundaries can make it easier for others to listen to you. [05:26]
  • Victoria explores what functional speaking boundaries look like. [08:51]
  • We hear about some tools that will help you with the speaking boundary. [10:00]
  • The third of Victoria’s suggested tools involves assessing the other person’s capacity to listen to you. The fourth tool is leading with agreement. [13:26]
  • What do healthy speaking boundaries look like when you’re protecting yourself? [17:31]
  • Victoria talks about zones of intimacy and zones of privacy, as well as how a healthy speaking boundary protects you. [19:56]
  • We learn about protecting others with your speaking boundaries. [21:24]
  • What do speaking boundary violations look like? [24:08]
  • Victoria explains that many people aren’t aware of being contemptuous. [26:59]
  • Blaming or shaming another person is also a speaking boundary violation. [28:48]
  • We hear how attempts to coerce or control are also violations of the speaking boundary. [30:33]
  • Victoria talks about refusing to speak, or stonewalling, as a speaking boundary violation. [32:39]
  • We hear a quick preview of what’s coming next week, and Victoria mentions that you can learn more about all of these boundaries in her new book Personal Boundaries for Dummies. [33:50]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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