#3 – Knowing When You Don’t Have a Boundary

Believing that you set a boundary when you actually haven’t is a common problem you’ll encounter when you’re learning about boundaries. This episode will help you make sure that doesn’t happen to you! Keep in mind that the boundaries I talk about are in adult-to-adult relationships; boundaries with children operate differently.

If you’re wondering whether you’ve created a boundary with another person, ask yourself this question: have you made a request, and has the other person agreed? If not, you haven’t set a boundary. Telling someone what you’d like them to do or not do, making demands, and other unilateral (one-sided) interactions don’t create boundaries. If you’re uncertain, confused, or you’re wondering whether you actually have a boundary, this episode is for you.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #3: Six Common Examples of What Boundaries Aren’t

  1. Demands. If you make a demand of another adult, you haven’t set a boundary. You can only create a boundary by making a request and creating an agreement.
  2. When you misinterpret a request as a demand.
  3. When you wrongly believe that making a request is a demand.
  4. Telling someone what you want them to do. Expressing your wants doesn’t create a boundary.
  5. Making a request that doesn’t create an agreement. If the other person doesn’t say “yes,” you don’t have an agreement.
  6. The belief that your expectations create a boundary or obligation for another person.

Highlights from Episode #3:

  • Welcome to the third episode of the Boundaries Queen Podcast! Ready to learn about how to recognize when you don’t have a boundary? [00:31]
  • This episode will offer six common examples of what boundaries aren’t, so you can see when you don’t have a boundary. [02:30]
  • Victoria touches on the topic of boundaries with children, and shares a piece of advice she received. [03:26]
  • The first example of what boundaries aren’t involves making demands instead of boundaries. [08:16]
  • We hear about the second and third examples that Victoria is exploring today. [10:42]
  • Telling someone what you want them to do also isn’t a boundary. [12:57]
  • We hear about the fifth example, which involves not getting an agreement from the other person, and the sixth example, which revolves around expectations. [15:04]
  • Victoria talks about one specific word that can tip you off that you have an expectation. [18:14]
  • Remember to subscribe to keep learning about boundaries! And if you’re listening to this episode before May 7, 2024, you can still take advantage of the preorder bonuses for Personal Boundaries For Dummies. [19:26]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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