#7: Step 1: Start With Knowing What Isn’t Working

Today’s episode is the first of a 6-episode series covering each step of the boundary-setting process. The first step for setting a boundary in any situation and with any person (including yourself), means knowing what isn’t working for you. And for this step you need to focus on one specific event or incident, and not an ongoing pattern.

As you work through the 6-step process, remember that boundaries work the same way in all adult-to-adult relationships. You might make different choices based on who the other person involved is, but the process itself is the same regardless of the other person’s relationship to you.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #7:

  • Step 1 of the boundary-setting process involves focusing on a specific problem or situation, rather than a pattern of behavior (yes, even if it’s hard to focus on just one incident!).
  • There are various signs that suggest you may need a boundary. Some might not be obvious. These include stress, emotional pain, experiencing severe consequences in relationships, or being unable to resolve a disagreement.
  • Pay attention to what isn’t working for you. It’s easy to focus on what isn’t working for the other person or on what they want, but it’s important to know what you want and figure out how to honor that.

Highlights from Episode #7:

  • Welcome to the seventh episode of the Boundaries Queen podcast! [00:31]
  • Victoria explains that the six-step process applies to any boundary you need to set with anyone, and doesn’t change depending on who the other person is. [02:16]
  • This episode includes several examples of situations where it might not be obvious that you need a boundary. [05:14]
  • Experiencing stressful situations, having arguments, or painful relationship patterns can indicate that you might need to create limits or boundaries. [10:06]
  • We learn some guidelines that can indicate the need for a boundary. [12:22]
  • Victoria talks about one of the most important factors in working through step 1. [15:01]
  • Experiencing a severe consequence or not being able to resolve a disagreement can be a sign that you need a boundary. [18:54]
  • The frequency or perceived quality of sexual intimacy is a frequent area of ongoing disagreement. [22:15]
  • Disagreements about money can also signal a need for boundaries. [23:54]
  • Experiencing a broken agreement or commitment indicates that something isn’t working. Victoria gives some advice on what to do if this happens. [25:17]
  • We hear two pro tips for how to work your way through step 1 successfully. [27:43]
  • Victoria created a 6-Step Boundaries Clarifier FREE eWorkbook to help you walk through the steps of this process. [31:04]
  • We hear a quick recap of this episode and a brief introduction to what’s coming in next week’s episode. Finally, if you’re listening to this episode before May 7, 2024, you can still take advantage of Victoria’s preorder bonuses for Personal Boundaries For Dummies. [31:26]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

Website Design by Natalie McGuire Design