#8: Step 2: Get Clear about Your Reality

Welcome to the second part of this six-episode exploration of the boundaries-setting process. I’ll assume you’ve already listened to the previous episode about step 1. But if you haven’t, I highly recommend going back and starting with episode 1 so that you can track the process and give yourself a good foundation for the fundamentals of identifying, creating, and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Now that you’ve identified a specific situation or event that you need to set a boundary around in the previous episode (step 1), it’s time to get clear about your reality as it relates to that incident or situation. To really understand what’s going on, we’ll examine the experience from three angles. First, there’s what you experienced with your five senses—that is, what you could record with a video camera (plus smell and taste). From there, I’ll walk you through how to examine your thoughts about what you experienced. Finally, we’ll explore your emotions, and how they relate to the thoughts you identified.

Don’t worry if any of this sounds complicated! I’ll use a specific, clear example throughout the episode to help you understand each facet of this step to empower you to work through it with your own situation.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #8:

  • There are three parts to step two:
    • What you experienced with your five senses
    • What you thought about what you experienced
    • What emotions you felt 
  • Understanding the difference between what actually happened and your thoughts about what happened is vital. Thinking that someone did something because they don’t care about you doesn’t make that true, for example.
  • Your emotions are almost exclusively determined by what you think, not what happened. This may sound counterintuitive at first, but keep an open mind as you get increasingly familiar with this process.

Highlights from Episode #8:

  • Victoria welcomes listeners to this episode, the second in a six-episode series. [00:31]
  • The second step involves getting clear about your reality. Victoria creates a fictional case study to illustrate her points through this episode. [02:07]
  • We hear about the first part of step two: exploring what you experienced with your five senses. [06:36]
  • Examining the facts you experienced with your senses helps you avoid confusing facts with thoughts. [09:22]
  • Victoria moves on to talking about the second part of step two: your thoughts. [10:16]
  • The third part of step two involves your emotions. [12:11]
  • Victoria explains the relationship between your emotions and your thoughts, and offers an example of how thoughts often outpower data when it comes to your emotions. [16:10]
  • We hear some pro tips for working through this step of the boundaries-setting process. [20:13]
  • Victoria briefly recaps the episode. If you’re listening to this episode before May 7, 2024, you can still take advantage of Victoria’s preorder bonuses for Personal Boundaries for Dummies, her forthcoming book. [21:50]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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