Yesterday I spent an incredible day in Atlanta with a very talented photographer, Rupa Kapoor. It was time for me to get some new photos for my book launch next year (more on that later) and Rupa was exactly the kind of photographer I wanted to work with.

Rupa has a gift for truly seeing the women she’s photographing and bringing out the essence of who they are when they’re at their best and most powerful.

And that got me to thinking about how much you — and all betrayed partners — need to be seen and honored.

Most betrayed partners, especially in the early stages of discovery and disclosure, feel terribly unseen, rejected, less than, inferior, discounted, demeaned, ignored, unloved, embarrassed, foolish, and humiliated. The experience of being seen — in the most positive sense of the word — and honored, is seemingly out of reach and unattainable in the aftermath of betrayal.

If your spouse gets help and embraces recovery, that feeling of being seen and honored by him (or her) will likely return in the future. However, I encourage you not to wait until then.

10 ways to see and honor yourself, beginning now:

  1. Look at yourself every morning in the mirror and say — out loud — 3 things you like about yourself. If you’re feeling particularly brave, tell yourself, “I love you.”
  2. Dare to wear that article of clothing, jewelry, or accessory you bought because it brought you joy, but just can’t seem to get up the courage to wear. It’s not as big a deal as you probably think.
  3. When you’re in meetings, classes, family get-togethers, or with a group of friends, make an effort to express your opinion, ask a question, or make a comment. Every time you do, you’re telling yourself that what you have to say matters.
  4. Think of ways you’ve been “playing small,” and take one baby step toward expanding and stepping out of your comfort zone.
  5. Do at least one self-care practice a day that falls under the “want” rather than “need” category. For example, listen to your favorite music, meditate, practice yoga, take a bath with bath salts, drink your favorite tea, or enjoy a delicious piece of chocolate.
  6. Don’t allow others to belittle you, put you down, dampen your dreams, or poison you with self-doubt. Protect your confidence as if it were your most prized possession.
  7. Surround yourself with people who know how to listen and respect and love you for who you are.
  8. Dare to tell others — especially those closest to you — what you think, how you feel, and your opinions about important issues.
  9. Pay attention to your feelings, and don’t sweep them under the rug. You dishonor yourself when you ignore your internal compass.
  10. Find a prayer or mantra that reminds you to see and honor yourself. This one is very personal — what works for one person may not do a thing for someone else. For some, it’s as simple as: I matter. Choose a phrase that resonates with you and return to it regularly throughout the day.

Even if you only do half of these, you’ll notice a shift.

The more you see and honor yourself, the better you’ll feel. You’ll also develop a “healthy allergy” to people who are self-absorbed or can’t celebrate and honor you. Don’t spend your precious energy trying to figure out why they can’t be there for you. Refocus on yourself, your dreams, and goals.

Speaking of goals, I’ll be launching my upcoming book — Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution© for Partners of Sex Addicts — in May 2016. I’ll be submitting the manuscript to the publisher next week. I am honored and excited about offering this information to you and the many partners who need the knowledge and tools presented in Moving Beyond Betrayal as they navigate the courageous journey from trauma to trust, and beyond.

I’d love to hear how you honor yourself! Leave a comment below.


© Victoria Priya, LCSW [formerly Vicki Tidwell Palmer] (2015)

Radiant Threefold Path articles are protected by U.S. copyright laws, and may not be reproduced, distributed, or re-published without written permission of the author.
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I want to support you to Return to the authentic truth of who you are, Reclaim what is yours, and Receive everything that is meant for you. So that you can Regenerate your life, your relationships, community, and the world.

6 Comments

  1. Pam L on May 18, 2018 at 9:03 am

    I am new to all of this and would very much like to receive your offers and insights. Thank you for your passion and purpose in the area of sexaholism. Your descriptions and suggestions give comfort and direction.
    Pam

    • Vicki Tidwell Palmer on May 18, 2018 at 4:12 pm

      Thank you Pam, I’m glad that the information has been comforting and given you direction.

      I see that you have already signed up to receive blog post updates (thank you!). Please visit the Contact page here and feel free to add any additional services/products you would like to receive updates about.

      I will be offering a free online presentation next Wednesday, May 23: Survive & Thrive Blueprint: 5 Essentials for Healing. You can sign up here.

  2. Sophie on June 15, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    I celebrate Mother’s Day because it’s something I always wanted to be – a mom. And I am. I don’t need my husband or even my children to celebrate it – it’s MY day. I usually go shopping and buy something for myself.

  3. Sophie on June 15, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    I celebrate Mother’s Day because it’s something I always wanted to be – a mom. And I am. I don’t need my husband or even my children to celebrate it – it’s MY day. I usually go shopping and buy something for myself.

    • Vicki Tidwell Palmer on June 18, 2018 at 11:23 am

      Good for you Sophie!

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