#111 – Your Reality is the Only One You Need

If you’ve ever gotten into an argument with someone else about the reality of a certain situation, or what “really happened,” this episode is for you. The fact is that your reality is what is true for you in the moment, and someone else having a different reality doesn’t mean that yours, or theirs, is either “correct” or “wrong.” Tune in to learn why it’s okay to disagree about reality, and why (as Terry Real says) there is no place for objective reality in relationships.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #111:

It’s very common for two people to experience the same situation or event very differently, and come away with different thoughts, emotions, or experiences.
In the end, your reality is the only reality that you truly need—and it’s the only one you can have. This doesn’t mean that another person’s reality doesn’t matter, but you don’t need to come to an agreement about which one is “true” or “correct.”
In a relationship, two people can share their realities with each other, and may or may not come to an understanding. But it’s not always necessary (or possible) to agree on what reality is.
If you have a high need to agree about what happened, invite yourself to explore what comes up for you when you and your spouse see things in a fundamentally different way.

Highlights from Episode #111:

Vicki welcomes listeners to today’s episode, which was inspired by several questions from a listener about coming to an understanding about reality. [00:39]
We hear the highlights and relevant questions that inspired this episode, which came in response to Vicki’s story from Episode #18 of the podcast. [04:09]
Two people can have very different experiences of the same event, Vicki points out. [08:04]
What exactly is reality? Vicki digs into the topic, and explores why reality is so subjective. [12:41]
Vicki shares an example to explain her point about different realities. [16:20]
There’s only one reality for you in any given moment: your reality. [20:29]

Links and Resources:

Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

5 Comments

Eva S on January 14, 2021 at 9:19 am
But a lot of time the other person lies a about the truth. It’s hard to find the balance sometimes.
BJohnson on November 3, 2021 at 8:43 am
This topic still bothers me: This idea of taking “your reality” being the ONLY reality. When “your reality” is clouded by your emotions, particularly in times that people are in when they are reading your book “Moving Beyond Betrayal” OR as Eva S stated in the previous comment “.. the other person lies about the truth….”, there is that predisposition, again, that does not put either of you in the relationship in the objective reality or objective truth. I still don’t see where either one of the partners in these examples tries to get to the objective truth. Just sticking with “your truth”, this very likely false reality. I found a quote that talks to this and points to the dangers that I was seeing earlier in both this episode #111 and episode #18.
Quote:
“But what does really it mean to tell “your truth”?
It sounds like an innocuous phrase encouraging people to share the views and experiences, right? Asking people to tell “their truth” just seems like an invitation for them to tell what has happened to them from their perspective. For example, if you want to understand racism in America, you might ask minorities to share their stories.
But look more closely at that phrase: “your truth.”
Truth is supposed to be immutable, right? But if someone’s experiences are called “their truth,” that elevates their opinions from the conditional to the absolute. Their feelings now trump reality.
At least in this quoted example, people are talking to each other and hopefully listening to each other. (and the situation in the quote is much more political, rather than a couple’s interpersonal relationship.
But it still expresses the dangers of taking these “my reality” or “my truth” situations as THE TRUTH.) Hopefully that conversation and other conversations go civilly. I can understand that listeners of this podcast might not be able to have a good and honest conversation around all situations or in some cases any situations. From what I have seen in Episode #111 and #18, the “solution” suggested or at least taken, was to not say anything and stay in this highly likely to be incorrect “my reality”. At the very least, one would be biased or jaded by staying put. Yes, there is a point in time where you just need to walk away and might not get to an agreement on what the objective truth is, but it would be damaging to continue to sit in your false or incorrect reality. For the relationship and for you as well.
So how does one get to the objective truth? How does one shed the bias of “my truth” and get at least closer to the objective truth?
- Vicki Tidwell Palmer on November 3, 2021 at 11:38 am
  I hear you BJohnson, you’re still bothered by how one determines the truth.
  I was in a therapy session once with my husband and he told me his perception of why I had made a very important decision that impacted him. His perception of the reason I had made the decision was completely different than mine. I told him, “I hear that is your perception. I have a different perception.”
  I felt totally at peace because I knew my truth and my reality. I was also at peace because I understand that every person is entitled to their reality. I also knew that his perception was not my truth.
  If you have a high need for finding objective or absolute truth in communications regarding perceptions, relationships and human interactions in general will be challenging.
- BJohnson on November 3, 2021 at 12:10 pm
  Just for clarity all of below is the quote:
  “But what does really it mean to tell “your truth”?
  It sounds like an innocuous phrase encouraging people to share the views and experiences, right? Asking people to tell “their truth” just seems like an invitation for them to tell what has happened to them from their perspective. For example, if you want to understand racism in America, you might ask minorities to share their stories.
  But look more closely at that phrase: “your truth.”
  Truth is supposed to be immutable, right? But if someone’s experiences are called “their truth,” that elevates their opinions from the conditional to the absolute. Their feelings now trump reality.
  - Vicki Tidwell Palmer on November 3, 2021 at 3:48 pm
    Hi again BJohnson! Perhaps we have 2 different perceptions.
    I don’t believe all truths are immutable. I believe that lying is wrong, immoral, and sometimes evil and some people would agree that is an immutable truth. And I also believe that lying to save a Jew in Nazi Germany is the morally correct thing to do.
    Life is messy. Finding what is true with a capital “T” is messy as well.💙