#132 – She Said What?! Part I of A Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary

By special request, I’m doing a deeper dive into the talking boundary. I’ve mentioned this boundary in 25 episodes, but I’ve never gone into the level of depth that it deserves. When your talking boundary is functioning well, you express yourself in a healthy, relational way while sharing your authentic reality. You may be surprised by some examples of what talking boundary violations look like, so tune in to learn all about this important topic!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #132:

  • The talking boundary is the mindful, healthy filter between your thoughts and your words. At the extremes, a person has no filter and they say whatever comes to mind—or they don’t share anything. We’re aiming for somewhere in the middle.
  • “Unbridled self-expression,” as Terry Real calls it, is not an example of a functional talking boundary. Neither is erring on the side of being only nice or pleasant with your words, regardless of your true feelings.
  • When we get activated or triggered, we can lose the filter between our thoughts and words, and start reacting instead of responding.

Highlights from Episode #132:

  • Vicki explains the inspiration for this episode, and reveals that she’ll start by talking about the violations that fall under the talking boundary. [00:39]
  • What is the talking boundary? [03:55]
  • We learn about the healthy middle for the talking boundary. [07:17]
  • Vicki digs into what the talking boundary is not, including why the idea that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all” can be problematic. [11:27]
  • If someone doesn’t receive your words the way you intended, sometimes an outside opinion can be helpful. [16:10]
  • Why is the talking boundary so challenging and complex? [18:03]
  • Vicki shares many examples of talking boundary violations, including teasing another person and the silent treatment, among others. [20:44]
  • Did this episode resonate with you, or remind you of yourself (or someone else)? If so, keep in mind that this is a challenging boundary. [34:27]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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