#134 – Using the Talking Format (Part 3 of a Deeper Dive Into the Talking Boundary)


Are you ready for the third part of my series on the talking boundary? This one is all about a specific process from the work of Pia Mellody: the Talking Format. This strategy is a roadmap around how to share information with another person, and is ideal for challenging conversations. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with how to express yourself effectively in a difficult interpersonal situation, don’t miss this episode!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #134:

  • The Talking Format consists of three parts:
    • Tell the other person about the data you observed to give a concrete example of the issue you’re raising.
    • Explain what you thought, perceived, or made up based on the data.
    • Share the emotions that you feel around the situation.
  • When you’re using the Talking Format, make sure you have enough physical space to say what you want to say. Pay attention to what your body is telling you.
  • The purpose of sharing is to be known and foster intimacy, not to blame, shame, control, criticize, or manipulate. If you become aware that your intention is to control or manipulate, you’re not yet ready to have the conversation.

Highlights from Episode #134:

  • Welcome to the third and final part of Vicki’s series on the talking boundary! Check out the last two episodes if you haven’t yet heard part one one and part two of the series. [00:39]
  • What is the Talking Format? Vicki shares the three basic steps. [03:45]
  • Vicki offers an example to help illustrate how to use the technique she’s sharing today. [08:34]
  • We learn more about how to use the Talking Format as part of the talking boundary. [12:22]
  • When you’re sharing, remind yourself that you’re not blaming the other person. [15:39]
  • You can approach a solution by expressing how you would prefer things to be. Vicki talks about how this might work in her example. [20:57]
  • Vicki shares one last point about the Talking Format: it’s an actionable way to use the first step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution. [26:46]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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