#135 – When Your Ex Doesn’t Behave


Before we start, I’d like to offer you a quick apology! You may not have been able to find the earliest episodes of the show because of a mistake in the podcast settings on the back end. That’s fixed now, and you should be able to access all of the episodes again. And now, onto today’s subject! If you have an ex, especially if you’re co-parenting with them, I’m guessing you’ve had a problem with your ex misbehaving. So what do you do? Tune in to find out!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #135:

  • Co-parenting children with an ex is always a challenge, but it’s harder when your ex has issues or misbehaves. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot that we can do about other people’s behavior.
  • If your ex is doing unsafe things with your children (such as abuse or drunk driving), you will need to intervene in some way. These issues of safety are in a separate category from other misbehavior from your ex.
  • Some things I recommend against doing include: 
    • Bad-mouthing your ex to your children
    • Trying to control anything about your ex that’s outside of your control
    • Telling yourself that your children can’t see what you see about your ex
    • Putting your children in the middle

Highlights from Episode #135:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners back to the podcast, and makes a quick announcement. She then uses the inconvenience in question as a teaching moment. [00:39]
  • We move to today’s topic: exes who don’t behave. Vicki offers some examples of ways that an ex can be distressing as a co-parent. [05:09]
  • Sometimes an ex might subject children to unsafe things, such as physical or sexual abuse or drunk driving. [10:53]
  • Vicki shares some things that she recommends that you not do. [13:07]
  • Don’t assume that your children don’t see what you see about your ex-spouse, or put them in the middle. [17:16]
  • Are there different boundaries rules with your ex than with other people in your life? [22:08]
  • For everything outside of safety issues, you have no control over how your ex parents. Vicki offers some tips on how you can feel better about this situation. [26:48]
  • Things you can do in this situation include sending healing and positive wishes to your children—and even your ex, if you can without forcing it. [31:17]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

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