#22 – Want More Intimacy? Accountability is Key


We all make mistakes or break a commitments from time to time—myself included. Just last week, I was supposed to release a podcast episode about women and boundaries, but it completely slipped my mind that it was the first episode of the month. When things like that happen, the key is to be accountable, plain and simple. Sometimes a simple apology is enough, but for higher-level broken agreements or boundary violations, you’ll need a higher level of repair or amends. Tune into this episode to learn more!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #22:

  • When you hold someone accountable for breaking an agreement, most people respond by defending themselves, excusing their behavior, minimizing or rationalizing what they did, or telling you to “lighten up” or asking you “what’s your problem?”
  • The two primary reasons most people struggle to be accountable is that they either may have a wobbly sense self, or they know in their heart that they are out of integrity.
  • You may be surprised to learn that when you hold someone accountable, you’re actually inviting them to greater intimacy. Accountability is a fundamental relationship skill that’s almost on the same level as honesty in terms of how important it is to a relationship.
  • There are several steps involved in being held accountable. 1. Listen to what the person holding you accountable has to say. 2. Tell the truth about what really happened. 3. Own the mistake. 4. Make a repair or amends of some kind. 5. Follow through.

Highlights from Episode #22:

  • Vicki addresses a few quick points: gratitude for podcast ratings, the availability of her book Moving Beyond Betrayal in audiobook format, and an acknowledgment of a mistake. [00:48]
  • Today’s episode is all about accountability, Vicki explains. She then covers some of the reactions people can have when you confront someone about a broken agreement. [03:12]
  • Vicki covers some of the reasons why people struggle to be accountable. [05:20]
  • Vicki defines accountability, then talks about what it has to do with boundaries. [08:22]
  • We hear about what accountability looks like, and the several steps involved. [10:47]
  • When you’re coming up with a repair for a broken agreement, it can be extremely helpful to ask the other person involved what kind of repair they would like. [16:16]
  • The last part of being accountable is following through. [19:47]
  • Vicki explains how accountability is an invitation to greater intimacy. [21:32]
  • Vicki offers some closing advice surrounding accountability. [27:02]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.

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