#29 – 4 Ways Your Boundaries Help Those You Love

This episode is inspired by a blog follower who shared the poignant story of what her husband said to her about the boundaries she set in their relationship. I’m often asked how to communicate boundaries in a way that doesn’t hurt or upset the other person involved, or make them unhappy. While it’s often not possible to avoid the discomfort of creating limits, your boundaries produce benefits not only for you, but also for your loved ones. Today, you’ll learn four ways that can happen.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #29:

• When you start learning about boundary work, it can be almost impossible to believe that the important people in your life will have positive feelings about—or may actually benefit from—your boundaries. There are at least four ways this can happen.
• First, setting boundaries helps your loved ones know exactly where you stand with them, and where they stand with you. Since intimacy is about knowing and being known, this leads to greater intimacy.
• Second, when you create a boundary for yourself, you’re happier—and so is everyone else! You may be surprised to find that your loved ones are relieved instead of upset with your boundaries.
• Third, making a request of another person or setting a boundary creates solutions that reduce stress between you and the other person, or people, involved.
• And finally, while it’s not your responsibility to change anyone, your boundaries can have a profound impact on your loved ones because your boundaries serve as an invitation for them change in important ways that improve their lives. This can be particularly true when your boundaries are related to another person’s addiction or mental health issues.

Highlights from Episode #28:

• Vicki explains where she got the inspiration for today’s episode and shares today’s topic. [01:45]
• We hear about the first way that your boundaries can help your loved ones. [04:40]
• Making a request is often part of creating a boundary, Vicki explains. [07:38]
• Vicki describes the second way in which your boundaries can help others, and offers an example. [09:20]
• We learn about the third way that your boundaries help your loved ones. [13:00]
• The fourth way that your boundaries can help your loved ones is by prompting change. [18:01]
• Vicki provides some examples of what setting boundaries related to addiction looks like. [21:40]
• Your loved one won’t be pleased by your boundaries, but you’re taking care of yourself and creating the possibility for your loved one to get better, Vicki points out. [26:38]
• Vicki recaps the four ways that your boundaries can help your loved ones. [27:51]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier