#3: Boundaries in Balance (and at the Extremes) + Boundary Ruptures and Boundary Violations

In today’s episode, I cover the whole spectrum of boundaries—from boundary-less to walled off, including what boundaries look like when they’re in balance. Plus, I’ll talk about the difference between boundary ruptures and boundary violations and give plenty examples of each. Boundary ruptures and boundary violations can be traumatic, and in future episodes, I’ll be going into detail about how to respond when someone breaks an agreement with you or violates a boundary.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #3:

• To understand boundaries in balance and at the extremes, picture a straight line between two extremes of a boundaries continuum. One extreme is being behind a wall where you’re not available either physically, sexually, or emotionally. At the other extreme a person has no boundaries, is too vulnerable, or may have no boundaries with other people.
• In between the two extremes, there is a healthy middle. When your boundaries are in balance, you feel protected, you protect other people from your own boundary-less behavior, while at the same time being vulnerable.
• Your boundaries are strongly influenced by the culture you grew up in as well as what you learned from your family growing up. Cultural norms for boundaries aren’t necessarily good or bad; however, you get to decide what boundaries feel right for you.
• What is the difference between a boundary rupture and a boundary violation? Knowing the difference will help you figure out how you want to respond.

Highlights from Episode #3:

• What boundaries look like when they’re out of balance. [02:12]
• Cultural differences when it comes to the way boundaries work in interpersonal relationships. [06:22]
• The two extremes on the boundaries continuum—being walled off or being too vulnerable. [09:00]
• The healthy middle between the two extremes. [11:31]
• Boundary ruptures and boundary violations. [12:57]
• Examples of boundary violations. [20:59]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Robin Williams groped and flashed me on set, says Mork & Mindy co-star, The Guardian, March 21, 2018.