#30 – Women, I Know Why You Didn’t Tell

This episode is a personal message from me to every woman who has hesitated or decided not to tell her story of being sexually harassed, abused, or assaulted. Tune in to learn how your choices about what, when, how, where, and to whom to share this very personal and private information are a direct expression of your boundaries.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #30:

• Everything that happens to us is your private information. You get to decide when, how, and with whom you share. This is a good starting point for thinking about the topic of sharing experiences involving sexual harassment, abuse, or assault.
• There are many reasons a woman might not share her experiences of sexual harassment, abuse, or assault. In today’s episode, you’ll hear about the eight most common:
  • You were told that something bad would happen to you if you told.
  • You were ashamed, or felt “icky.”
  • You thought, or were told, that no one would believe you.
  • You needed to keep yourself and/or your family safe and provide stability.
  • You were abused as a child and it was all too familiar from your childhood.
  • You thought it was your fault.
  • You were afraid.
  • You saw what happens to so many women who speak up.

Highlights from Episode #30:

• Vicki talks about the #MeToo era and a common question that goes along with it: “why did it take so long for her to tell her story?” [02:06]
• Situations of sexual exploitation and abuse between an adult and a child are not “relationships,” Vicki points out, then talks about the dynamics of these situations. [06:48]
• Vicki moves on to talking about sexual harassment, abuse, and assault in adult relationships. [08:52]
• Vicki explains that there are eight common reasons why a woman might not tell, and lists what they are. [09:44]
• Any time there’s a power differential between the person seeking sex and the person they’re seeking it from (in adult relationships), there is no true consent. [17:37]
• We hear more reasons why a woman may not have told. [19:32]
• Vicki talks about making the choice to disclose your experiences. [23:21]
• Let’s not blame victims by asking “why,” Vicki requests. [27:11]

Links and Resources:

Vicki Tidwell Palmer
Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
Beyond Bitchy Podcast, Episode 21, Is it Secret or Private? How to Practice Honesty with Boundaries
Here’s Why Roger Ailes’ Sexual Harassment Victims Took So Long to Speak Up by Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Huffington Post