#40 – The Listening Boundary Part 3: High Quality Listening = Higher Quality Responses

Thanks for joining me for the third and final episode in my series on the complex—yet so important—listening boundary. If you’ve missed the earlier episodes, I recommend that you go back to listen to Part 1 and Part 2. Today, we’ll move from what happens for you internally as you listen to how you may want to respond.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #40:

• When your listening boundary is working well, you’re not only filtering what you’re hearing, but also paying close attention to your own thoughts that are generated in response to what was said.
• When what the other person said is also true for you, you can simply say that you agree.
• If what they said isn’t true for you, start your response with the part that you do agree with. This is called “leading with agreement.”
• If you’re not really sure whether you agree with what you heard, or what you think about it, you can ask clarifying questions. It’s also okay not to have an opinion, or to say that you don’t know.
• There are several tools or skills to use when you’re in a difficult situation. These include paying attention to the physical space between you and the other person, remembering who the other person is to you, and creating a sense of protection for yourself.

Highlights from Episode #40:

• Vicki welcomes listeners to the third part of her series on the listening boundary. [00:48]
• We hear a quick recap of what Vicki covered in Part 2 of the series. [03:13]
• Vicki talks about how you might proceed based on the three internal responses if your listening boundary is working well. [06:23]
• If someone important in your life tends to automatically respond with a “no,” a great strategy is to tell them what you want to talk about and suggest having the conversation later. [12:22]
• Vicki makes another point about areas where you have a difference of opinion: these situations can cause stress in relationships. [15:11]
• We learn about how to respond if you’re not sure what you think or whether you agree. [18:04]
• Vicki shares some tools and skills for dealing with a difficult situation or person. [19:50]
• There are other ways to think about your listening boundary, Vicki points out, then gives an example. [24:45]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 37: The Listening Boundary Part 1
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode 39: The Listening Boundary Part 2
• Pia Mellody
• The New Rules of Marriage by Terrence Real