#66 – Managing Draining People and Over-Sharers (Women’s Episode)

It’s the first episode of the month, and that means this one is dedicated to women and boundaries. Do you have people in your life who drain you or over-share? Vicki gives us some simple strategies to manage. Tune in!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #66:

• Being “draining” is in the eye of the beholder — it’s a matter of perception.
• When you want to distance yourself from a drainer or over-sharer, start by delaying your responses. 
• Use ‘I hear you’ when you don’t want to engage, or you want to preserve your emotional energy.
• Exhaustion, time loss and missing out on relationships are just a few of the consequences of allowing someone to drain you or over-share with you.
• Do things that bring pure joy to you! Don’t waste time with things or people that don’t.

Highlights from Episode #66:

• Welcome back to the show! Today’s episode is dedicated to women and boundaries. [00:41]
• Vicki reads what a listener wrote about wanting to set limits on her friends to keep the relationship balanced instead of one-sided. [01:02]
• She discusses people that over-share and are draining and how women can sometimes attract them. [02:47]
• What does it mean to be draining or an over-sharer? It’s open to perception. [05:45]
• Signs that someone might be draining to you. [08:12]
• We may feel shame if someone shares too much personal information with us. [09:02]
• You have a right to set limits on how much of your time another person gets. [09:47]
• Decrease the amount of contact you have with a draining person if you don’t want to maintain a relationship with them. [11:24]
• Vicki gives simple strategies to limit your available time to listen to someone who is draining or want to over-share. [13:36]
• Say ‘I hear you’ to discourage more conversation and/or to preserve your emotional energy. [15:55]
• Have you ever gone out with someone who talked non-stop? Were you drained? [17:41]
• Once you disengage from someone, the payoff is that the brief discomfort you feel in the moment can turn into relief. [19:21]
• Vicki shares the consequences of allowing someone to drain you or overshare with you. [24:49]
• Do things that give you pure joy. If you take care of yourself, your tolerance diminishes for people who drain you. [27:11]
• If you want to learn the five steps for identifying, creating, and maintaining healthy personal and relationship boundaries, see the link below. [29:38]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Episode 6 – What to Expect When You Set Boundaries
• Episode 24 – The Politician 
• Episode 63 – How to Fix a One-Sided Relationship
• 5 Step Boundary Solution Clarifier