#115-ENCORE-If I’m Triggered, Are You Responsible?


When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune in to learn about triggers, boundaries, and how to respond when you feel triggered.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #115:

  • Triggers are individual and unique to each person, and the possible ways to be triggered are almost endless.
  • Thoughts create emotions, but emotions can also create thoughts. Each of us has emotions just underneath the surface waiting for something in the external world that will activate or stimulate them.
  • You have a right to your opinion, to express yourself, and to ask someone to do something differently if you’re triggered. However, the other person isn’t responsible for your trigger, and they aren’t obligated to change so you won’t be triggered.
  • When you get triggered and want to critique the other person, ask yourself what is your intention. Often, it’s to be right, to shame the other person, and/or to prove them uninformed or ignorant.

Highlights from Episode #115:

  • Welcome to Episode 78, where we’ll cover the question of whether someone else is responsible if you get triggered. Vicki takes a moment to clarify what she means by “triggers.” [00:39]
  • Vicki addresses how triggers are related to boundaries, specifically the listening boundary. She then explains why she has been reluctant to talk about this question of triggers, and why she’s covering it now. [07:39]
  • We hear about a conversation that Vicki had with her publisher related to using the word “bitchy,” and a seemingly hypocritical decision that could have been a trigger, but wasn’t. [10:29]
  • When we get triggered (like by one of the words Vicki has been talking about), who is responsible? Vicki then talks about the idea in that currently in the US there is a lot of external pressure to hold certain attitudes or to be educated in specific ways in order to be accepted or considered “woke.” [19:06]
  • You have a right to your opinion and to ask people to do things differently. [22:40]
  • Triggers aren’t universal; they’re unique to each person and even situation. Vicki offers examples to clarify. [24:09]
  • Vicki offers specific advice for what to do when you feel triggered and want to critique the other person. [28:36]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

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