#8: Celebrate the No!

The first episode of each month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. In this episode, we’ll dig into the topic of saying “no.” I’ll talk about why “no” should be celebrated whether we’re saying it or others are they’re saying it to us. We’ll also explore strategies and tools to help you avoid saying “yes” when you really want to say “no.”

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #8:

• “No” is a complete sentence, and the ultimate boundary. It’s a hard stop, and is is a non-negotiable boundary. When it comes to sexual consent, a “no” from another person must be accepted. Period. In this episode we’ll be focusing on garden variety, everyday “nos” rather than the more serious issue of sexual consent.
• Because women tend to be more collaborative in their problem-solving and conflict resolution in general, they generally struggle more to say “no” than men do. With that said, saying “no” gets easier the more you practice—you’re flexing that figurative muscle.
• There are various reasons to celebrate the “no!” For example, when you’re saying “no,” you’re saying “yes” to the other things that are more important than you. When other people say “no” to you, you get clarity about where they stand and where you stand with them.
• Strategies for saying “no” when it feels difficult include delaying the response, saying you’re not available (without explaining or justifying), offering an alternative (if you genuinely mean it), or ignoring the request.

Highlights from Episode #8:

• There are some differences between men and women when it comes to say “no.” There are also differences in the way people respond to a direct, clear “no.” [02:48]
• Time is finite and limited. When you say “yes” to something you really wanted to say “no” to, you may be delaying your goals and dreams. [08:22]
• Another danger of saying “yes” when you really mean “no” is that you may create a resentment, which is victim anger. [12:54]
• Vicki talks about some compelling reasons why we should celebrate the “no,” whether it’s our own or others’. [14:46]
• Strategies for responding to someone when you know you want to say “no” but you’re feeling challenged. [24:15]
• Vicki recaps what we’ve covered in this episode, and offers listeners a homework assignment. [32:47]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development by Carol Gilligan
• Pia Mellody
• Dave Ramsey