#84 – Boundaries Quick Tips Episode #13: When Being Kind to You Means Saying “I Can’t”

I’ll be taking the next few weeks off from the podcast to get moved into my new home — so excited! This is a perfect example of what it looks like to be kind to yourself, which is what this Quick Tips episode is all about. Learn why self-kindness is so important, how you can figure out the best way to be kind to yourself, and what all of this has to do with boundaries.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #84:

  • Most people struggle with being kind to themselves, partly because of a fear of missing out, and partly because being busy is seen as a status symbol. There’s so much going on all the time that we tend to push ourselves way too hard. 
  • Examples of times when we should be kind to ourselves include when we’re not feeling well (mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually), when we’ve pushed ourselves too hard, or when we’re stressed out.
  • How can you be kind to yourself around the particular situation that has you feeling unwell, pressured, or stressed out?
  • Once you’ve figured out the answer to the question of how to be kind to yourself, take action on it! Make that kindness a reality.

Highlights from Episode #84:

  • Welcome to this quick tips episode! Vicki introduces its topic, then talks about her upcoming free Clarity Circle Live Call. Just click the link to sign up! [00:40]
  • Vicki is getting ready to move, so out of self-kindness, she’ll be taking a few weeks off from the podcast. [03:26]
  • Let’s talk about you being kind to yourself, and what that has to do with boundaries. [04:22]
  • We hear a question that Vicki asks herself about self-kindness. [07:20]
  • Vicki explains that simply figuring out the answer to her question isn’t enough. [10:00]

Links and Resources:


Hi, I'm Victoria!

I love guiding my clients on a journey of Returning to the authentic truth of who they are, Reclaiming what is theirs, and Receiving everything that is meant for them.


  1. Lora Reynolds on February 26, 2020 at 11:09 am

    This is a huge part of my focus right now. One obstacle is my own behavior. I don’t even fold on certain boundaries- my programmed response to go-along-to-get-along jumps in before I can even resist or even fold up and take the boundary violation. It’s a matter of a nanosecond right now. This didn’t used to happen so much in recent years. I’ve made progress. But the last couple weeks have been a tidal surf of events and hidden undercurrents. So I’m looking for ways to stop that instantaneous programmed compliance with someone else’s unhealthy demands. I need to stop, breathe, and choose one of my own responses that I decided on before. I just can’t believe how hard it has been in recent days. It’s like I lost twenty years of learning, labor, and growing self respect. Just writing this comment has helped me clarify the situation for myself. Thanks for the podcast and the Clarity Circles.

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