#97 – Quick Tips #14: For Clarity, Check It Out!

Last week’s episode was a marathon, so I’m going to balance it out this week with a quick tips episode. This one was inspired by a listener’s question that came from a miscommunication around something I said about children having the right to choose their friends. The miscommunication brings up a broader point about checking things out, which I want to explore as a relational tool.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #97:

• Young children do not get to decide who their friends are. When I said in a prior episode that children decide who their friends are, I was referring to children as they get into their teen years, as well adult children. As parents, it’s our responsibility to protect and hold boundaries for our young children.
• When we hear someone say something, or even hear secondhand about something someone said, we often believe that is what they actually said, when often that is not the case. 
• When you hear something that causes a large internal negative reaction, check it out with the other person. This means saying, “This is what I heard you say. Did I hear you right? Did you really mean it that way?”
• This method of checking out what someone said is also another option for how to respond to bait.

Highlights from Episode #97:

• Vicki welcomes listeners to today’s episode, and shares the question from a listener that inspired it. [00:39]
• Young children don’t get to decide who their friends are, Vicki clarifies. [02:51]
• We hear about the bigger issue of checking things out. [06:46]
• Vicki shares a recent personal example of a case where she had the opportunity to check out something she was told. [09:29]
• Checking out something that you’ve heard is a quick relational tool and can be a helpful response when you’re feeling baited. [11:53]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram
• Beyond Bitchy Podcast | Episode #95 – Don’t Bite the Bait! How to Respond When You’re Feeling Baited