#4: Women and Boundaries: Struggles and Strengths

Today’s episode—and every first episode of each month—focuses on women and boundaries. Women are vulnerable in ways that men aren’t, and the inherent power imbalances in society can contribute to women experiencing more boundary violations. I discuss why these imbalances exist, some of the inherent strengths women have and how those strengths can contribute to boundary challenges. I will devote the first episode of each month to the topic of women and boundaries—so be sure to tune in!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #4:

• Women have unique issues and topics to address when it comes to boundaries. And men, this information is for you too! You’ll understand women more and up-level your interactions with them when you know more about how they see the world, through their boundaries. 
• It’s as problematic to be gender-blind as it is to be racially color-blind. Refusing to see differences is a kind of bypass that ignores the reality of the way things are. You also miss the experiences, specific challenges, and also the beauty of differences when you ignore the reality that men and women have different life experiences.
• Women must face safety concerns and fears every day. These include deciding what time of day to run errands, exercise, 0r decisions about where and when to travel. These are issues most men don’t think about or need to pay attention to.
• Girls and boys demonstrate innate differences from a young age. For example, infant and toddler girls are better at mimicking what someone else is doing, and seeking or holding eye contact. These differences make women uniquely gifted at establishing and maintaining connection with others, but can also contribute to women’s reluctance or inability to fully own their power if they don’t understand how boundaries operate.

Highlights from Episode #4:

• What it looks like when men are unconscious around issues of boundaries with women. [02:21]
• Specific challenges women have when it comes to boundaries, including safety issues. [08:38]
• Women tend to be vulnerable in ways that men are not. [11:47]
• When there is sexual contact between two people in the workplace where a power differential exists between the individuals (employer/employee, for example), it is not possible to give free and clear consent—a crucial component of practicing safe sex. [13:55]
• The role of boundaries in creating safety, and how women must frequently focus on safety or scan for danger. [18:42]
• Topics surrounding sexual boundaries in terms of keeping women safe. [25:24]
• Boundary challenges related to women’s unique and inherent strengths. [27:02]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Brené Brown
• Hill, Amelia, “Men Become Richer After Divorce,”  The Guardian, January 24, 2009
• Sethi, Anita, “The Real Difference Between Boys and Girls,” Parenting Magazine
• Twohey, Megan, et al., “Weinstein’s Complicity Machine,” The New York Times, December 5, 2017.